No idea`

Everything appears in my brain simultaneously recently...what a muddle state I am in now...
At the meant time of thinking measures to get rid of these troubles,unnecessary dreams portrayed in my mind blocking my path to search for avenues....

What's a bad situation I am in now...I'm not having the first time in handling such deals...
Let's get a point to concentrate...Don't bother other influences....But,which shall I choose???....How to be steady?...Arghhhsss....

After this week,everything will be fine...even how u perform is already a fact...
Let's get everything starts and leave useless chores behind...
Imagine how u enjoy ur holiday and ur life next week...
Meeting friends?Watching movies?Shopping spree?Singing k?Jogging?....

Sometimes doesn't know how to solve a problem when the trouble is approaching...
However,when the day comes,there is a clue to you....
Either break your limits or let things mess up....
It depends on your choice....

原来不是那么简单。。。

当你下定决心要做一件事情时，一切都如你想象的那么美好。。。

然而，不是所有事情都是完美无缺的。。。

曾经在脑海里呈现的美好憧憬最终还是一幅有瑕疵的壁画。。。

我们常常沉醉在幻想的世界了而忘记现实的残酷。。。

为什么？为什么？为什么？。。。

难道我就不能当机立断吗？。。。

嫣。。。你还在犹豫什么呢？。。。

失眠了一夜该把你脑海的疑惑全都洗清了吧？。。。

时间不留人，别在为不值得的事情想翻了脑。。。

偶尔相信命运，期待奇迹的出现也是不错的。。。

Simple Life

There are a lot of things occur simultaneously every moment....
Somebody is at the peak of life but somebody is at the trough;somebody gains happiness but somebody undergoes sadness;somebody sick but somebody recovers....

What's the attitude to perceive everything comes to you,no matter good or bad,is just an experience or breakthrough during our lives?

When u think yourself is unfortunate there are a lot of victims from other areas especially those who have to overcome catastrophe suffering more than u do...

When u think u r perfect the is someone who can do more better than u....

What's the point of reaching the top among your groups?
What's the point of being the best for every attempts?

Yes,people looks for perfection in life...
However,no one is the best...
Life is a continuous process of learning and gaining...
What's the point of struggling hard to achieve every honours???

Life is too long to go...
We cannot predict what is going to happen tomorrow or in the future and we can only plan for it...
Why don't simply think that...A SMILE can resist all frustrations?

The only spirit that is praiseworthy is.....HAPPINESS.....
Enjoy life and treasure every belongings....
It's to have a meaningful but SIMPLE LIFE....

They r coming~~

Mom,aunt and my sister is coming on 2 June to 8 June...

I will be having selective during that period.....

Hehehe....I hope uni's workloads are not heavy and classes are not compact during that week so that I can join them for window shopping....It's fun and interesting to have a shopping spree before I start my busy study life in the coming semester 5....

Apart from that,I am sure that we can enjoy a lot of splendid foods as well...Even now I already dreaming and waiting for their arriving....hohoho.....

Dont know why a feeling of happiness is naturally expressed and released when I knew my sister is going to study in kl.I think maybe I find someone who can accompany me when I really bored.Nevertheless,she is joining Taylor which is around Sunway area and far from my IMU which is in Bukit Jalil.....I dont think I can have a quick and cheap transport to reach there except paying for the expensive taxi fees.....

My sister will take 3 and a half years to finish her course whereas I still left 3 and a half years to carry on in this medical field....Haiz....We graduate in the same year....In fact,I have an embarrassing feeling....I felt that I am doing nothing for my family and just perpetually wasting dad's money in studying my subject only.....

Well,just try my best to keep abreast with every knowledge that is given to me everyday....
I believe the tree that I am growing now may bring me fruits one day....
When the day comes,I will share my fruits with my family and my love ones....

Y so unfortunate??

Time-table for rotation posting was out this morning...
It annoyed me because actually I had bought my tickets back to sdk from 18july to 31july....
However,my group was attributed to join the following sessioins:

22/6-26/6 General Practise Posting
15/7 Behavioural Science
16/7-17/7 Community Medicine
20/7-22/7 Rotation Posting to KKB Hospital
23/7 Laboratory
24/7 Clinical Skill Unit

What a bad news to me today...It means that my holiday is only one week,i.e.from 25July till 2August....
Shall I go back?If change tickets,I have to pay RM228.00 more...isn't it waste money???
Or I buy new tickets from MAS????since it is more cheaper than AIRASIA now....
Aiks....but actually hope to go back to meet those who I missed very much....
What shall I do???....

On the other hand,test date for IELTS is approaching...Just dont know what to do at this last minute preparation and quite worry about it now...ARGHHHSS!!!Super duper stupid and lazy me!!!!....

Be calm!Be calm!...If cannot get the grade....Let's sit for it again....But,have to pay RM580.00 again!!....It's a colossal amount to me!!...Huh!!!...... T.T
OMG!!!Pls save me!!~~

我孤单吗？？

说我不孤单是假的。。那只是安慰自己罢了。。。
其实我已经习惯一个人吃饭，睡觉，读书，看戏，逛街。。。。。。
然而偶尔我会很想身边有人陪伴的感觉。。。

每当买日常用品时，我都得拿着一袋两袋的重东西自己回家。。。
有时候眼见人家有伴陪伴在左右我真的会眼红。。。
虽然有朋友，可是朋友总不能时时刻刻随着我，他们也有自己的男朋友，我也不想当电灯泡。。

昨天我和一位新朋友聊天时，她对我说有一次她很想唱歌，虽然她男朋友不爱唱，可是也愿意牺牲四个小时陪她唱。。。顿时，我脑海出现的只有五个字。。。她好幸福哦！！。。。
我也好喜欢唱歌，只是我只能在房间里纳闷地喊唱罢了。。。

学校假期时，我天天呆在家看戏，吃饭，睡觉。。。
偶尔会与没回家乡的朋友去逛街，这听起来当然很悠闲，很自在。。。
可是有谁知道我伤心时没有倾诉的对象呢？？
大学里的朋友都和我一样，有很大的压力，难道我还要给他们添麻烦嚒？？
至于爸爸妈妈，我更要把我的伤心，焦虑，痛苦，压力等统统隐瞒起来，难道他们为我付出得还不够多吗？我还要他们为我操心吗？？？
有心事或被压力压得喘不过气时，我多么的希望眼前有一位能为我解忧或逗我开心的伴侣。。。

难道追求梦想就不能追求真爱吗？
难道实现父母的期望就不能寻求自己的幸福吗？
难道装勇敢，坚强自己躲起来哭泣就不能偶尔懦弱地依靠一个值得信赖的肩膀吗？
要把自己威武地很强悍真的很辛苦，很辛苦！！。。。

曾经有一朋友问我我喜欢我拥有的这一切吗？我享受和喜欢我的人生吗？？
为了不要让他知道我的懦弱，我对他说很好啊！！。。。
很明显地我只是在自欺欺人罢了。。。
我也很想像妹妹那样做自己喜欢做的，爱自己认为值得爱的人，可是我不能！。。。
我不能放下我的重担。。。
我不能辜负长辈与父母对我的期望。。。
我只能做个凡事都依父母意见的孩子。。。

为什么？为什么？。。。
上帝有在眷顾我吗？？？
真的很盼望我的梦想能够敲敲我的心房，对我说。。。我们到了！！！。。。

即使路途再遥远，我也不能退缩！我也不能放弃！加油吧！
我深信有一天我能找到属于自己的幸福！！！
即使没有也只有确信船到桥头自然直。。。
还是继续坚强地面对一切吧！！！
别再蹉跎光阴发白日梦了！！！醒醒吧！！！

Clinic Visit

Reached IMU sharply at 7am and waiting for van to start our journey to Seremban Clinic Poly..

It's memorable to me because my chinese new year shoes were sacrificed during the home visit section in this clinic visit but fortunately the shoes are not expensive...T.T

The visit is about 'Lawatan sambil belajar' on the topic of antenatal,perinatal and postnatal care for a pregnant mother...

Clinical skill unit class on Monday was interesting and fun because I learned how to examine a pregnant mother,inspection of abdomen,palpation for fundus of uterus and fetal movement and listening to the fetal heart rate...After that,I also learned to examine the vagina and cervix.I learned about taking pap smear from the cervix through spatula and brush.Apart from that,I learned to inspect the cervical part through speculum.Lastly,I also learned to perform bimanual examination on the uterus....

Since the memories on what I learned this Monday are still fresh so despite we are not allowed to perform any examination on pregnant mothers in the clinic,I still find the visit useful and worthy to learn something....

I learned about family planning,immunisation to baby and mother,postnatal check up on baby and mother and etc...

However,I think the most captivating part to me is....ultrasound taken on a pregnant mother...
It's great and wonderful!!~~
I can see the placenta...
the head of the fetus...
the heart of the baby inside the mother's abdomen which is small and beating...
the leg which is only shown as the femur...etc...
To see a small life inside the mother's abdomen is great!!!~~I like it!!~~

I heard one of the patient asked the doctor whether the baby is a boy or a girl when the doctor is doing the ultrasound,but the doctor said dont know yet...Well,I can understand the feeling of the mother...the hope of waiting for a new life...The enthusiasm to know whether the new life is a boy or girl...The happiness of getting a new child in a family...

Hehehe...When my chance to feel all these comes??...真期待！！~~

Thinking

When u are given a chance to think about "What's life u r living? and What's the aim of living in this world?",there is always no an exact answer...

Do u agree that to build up a friendship between human is a herculean task and is time consuming?However, to ruin a relationship is just in a split second.The scenes of how friends betrayed to me during my younger age times are always vividly potrayed in my mind when similar onslaught is happening to me again.Thus,despite who I meet and who I close with,I shall value,cherish and appreciate what is given to me.Dont let people pass through you without acknowledgement...

We are gave birth with our own intelligence but maturity is gradually accumulated through thick and thin in our lives.I admit that I have been a loser in adapting to my life especially when dealing with certain challenges.When solving with problems,I always lack self confidence and hence things end up badly.While I met failures,I used to hide myself in room and continue to drop tears till dehydrated and eyes swell.Drop tears is not a fault but crying without trying attempts to stand up from our mistakes is totally not forgiven...

No man is perfect.I know I still have many to learn and experience...
I shall learn from throngs of people and all walks of life...
I must work hard in pursuits of my dreams...
Gambateh!~

Ailing from stressful mind

Is there any onslaught happening on me recently??
It's difficult to describe my feelings now...
What I want to say is that I am going hay wire if I still cant find a good solution to eradicate my stress and irksome behaviour!
Why?Why?Why I am getting stressful recently?..

I think it could be attributed to mountains of notes not only for this reproductive system,but also endocrine system.It's quite pity to study this and forget that.Why my frens can have good memory?Erm...ppl who is extremely stupid like me shall be more hardworking so that I wont lag far behind.Another reasons could be IELTS T.T ( I really didnt well-prepared for it ). Apart from that, there is ungrounded fears in my heart since I never join SILOS (Structured Independant Learning Online System) in IMU before because I always failed to access to IMU net although visiting Help Desk in IMU quite often ...But the point is teacher said questions might come out exactly same from SILOS,was he frightened us to encourage us to join their systems?Arghhhhs!!!However,if it is true then I am going to die....

Huh..What's the point of writing blogs?
It's to do away with my problems...It's to keep my problems on the wane...It's to distract myself from current conditions...But,I'm still feeling stress and paranoid about everything...I really cant comprehend what is going on in my mind now...

I think I shall find someone to share some jokes with me to alleviate it...
Or...watch more movies????hehe...that's my excuse to watch movies only...huh!!!~~Behave like a medical student bah!!Stop watching it ok???....But I cant refrain from the seduction from it oo...T.T

Let's be calm and dont mess up everything and get mad!!~~

Scary!!!~~

Scary!!~~Scary!!~~

What so frightened about??

First sign .....My hair is dropping quite often recently..It's marginally more than normal amount..What's the problem??Is it side-effects of eating too much maggies??..Well,I think so...Shall restrict n control myself from serving a great deal of maggies again...

Second sign .....My eyes are getting more easily irritated and reddened since monday once I worn my contact lens..It's is undeniable that the causes of my itchiness eyes are tiredness and wearing expired contact lens...It sounds funny when I insist in wearing expired lenses to save money for buying new lenses.However,the main problem is my spectacle is not having an accurate power to my eyes..Thus,the only avenue now is to make myself a new spectacle as fast as possible or else there might be a lot of complications...

I was hurted just now when someone bombarded me some bad words.It might not severe enough to overwhelm me but I was shocked and disappointed when those words came out from her mouth...Indeed,I am sensitive to people,objects and occasions surrounding me...Anyway,just practice the beauty of patience or else how u can handle patients who are not compliance in your future??

Tiring lectures..

I had 2 hrs of lectures about breast diseseas T.T It's tiring.I think there are a lot to study after lectures although Dr. Annie Tay always give lectures in a relax and simple way.Indeed, there are a lot of hard works need to be paid by us to be updated to what she taught us...Sigh!!~~

I flipped through Bapa Patho,OMG!!There are a lot pages and wordy paragraghs about Breast Lesions....Can I be lazy and let it????I hate study wordy passages T.T...

Actually what had been taught last week I still cant fully understand...still in blur blur situation...Especially those investigations...laparoscopy?colposcopy?currettage?hysterectomy?...What's their appliciable sonditions?Benefits?Disadvantages?Risk factors?...Haiz...What shall I say is studying medicine is not easy...Sometimes I am regret to choose this subject...I thought it is only about studying the methods to help patients and prescribing medications and treatments to relief their pains and sufferings...However,I found that medicine is not only treating patients.I have to study biochemistry,histology,gross pathology,microbiology,parasitology,virology,psycosocial issues,community health,imaging studies,ethnic issues,patient consent,etc....Everything is memorising stuffs....

Haiz...Thinking what can I do after writing this post...Study?Sleep?Watch drama?....Anyway,I wont give up my subject because I have to always bear in mind that I have to work hard to make my dreams come true!!!Gambateh!!~~Let's revise today's notes....Aza aza fighting to myself~~

Who loves you?

Who loves you????..

Maybe always enjoy in day-dreaming and thinking silly routine affairs,such question appears in my mind....

I think it is not true to say that no one loves me in this world..At least I know my dad loves me...my gu ma loves me...my grandma loves me...my kei ma loves me...

Recently I find that even how great u treat ur frens with,they wont value it.Dad asked me dont treat others too kind since few years ago,he always asked me to set a barrier between others and I.He scolded me that I always sacrify for frens and he said to me that not everyone can treat me with true and sincere heart.I used to ignore his advice because I thought that if I treat others good,they will treat me good as well...But time proves that I was wrong..对别人仁慈就是对自己残忍..I shall adhere to my dad's advices or else I wont feel disappointed for frens who hurted me although I treat them with true hearted frens....I dislike fair-weather frens...

Who loves me???Judging one's mind is a tough task.I dont think I can read one's mind if he or she purposely pretend themselves in front me...I really hope that I can find someone who loves me faithfully in future...Either frens or lover,those who love me truly and sincerely are those who I really need to treasure.There's no point having a good relationship with a charm appearance but heartless fren and lover...

Cancel or continue cater?

Shall I cancel or continue my cater?

Angry!~Angry!~
She gave me pork again last night T.T despite I told her several times that I dont prefer pork....

In fact,it's quite reasonable that I pay her RM80 every month for weekdays dinners.There is a meaty and a vegetable as slide dishes together with white rice....But she always gives me dishes that I dont really like to eat.For example fried foods,sour vegetable and pork,I dont like them and I told her that please dont give me those dishes and she said ok.Yet,she still continually giving me those foods.May I stop eating those stuffs???..Maybe I'm too choosy....But what's the point eating something that I dont like to eat????It's quite suffer to me....

If I cancel it,I really dont know what can I eat.Maggie?Biscuits?Take away from outside mamak stalls?...Food supply in IMU is really a problem to most students living at Vista...For those who have car,they can travel to Sri Petaling nearby to fulfil their hunger but for us who dont have even a bicycle,eating maggie is a common scene...

Haiz....What option shall i decide??Continue cater?Cancel cater?....Sigh!~Sigh!~

Y opt for coffee?

My dad loves coffee very much,he cant without at least a cup of coffee everyday..WHy?
My gu ma prefers coffee to other drinks and she needs coffee everyday to boost up her energy and I think she is addicted to it because without coffee,she wont feel comfortable for the whole day...
Even my sister still young also cant stand for it.
Well,I like it too but I am vulnerable to cappucino because it brings me headache and dizziness.
Why many people are seduced by coffee??It brings me curiosity....

After few readings about coffee,I found some clues why people are interest in coffee so much...

• Coffee can decrease the risk of dementia or Alzheimer's disease
• Coffee lowers the risk of getting diabetes,Parkinson's disease,colon cancer,heart disease and liver cirrhosis.
• Coffee helps to increase bile flow and inhibit biliary cholesterol from crystallising and thus helps limit the formation of gallstones.
• Coffee helps treat headaches,asthma,constipation and hang-over.
• Caffeine boosts strength and endurance.

However,excessive of coffee consumptions may bring out issues like:

• increased cholesterol levels
• coffee aids in artery clogging
• coffee stains teeth
• It brings hallucination

I likes starbucks coffee very much especially the expresso...It's excellent!!~~Starbucks has been selling certified organic coffee....Although it's expensive,it's worth to us!!~~Hope to have a sip on it now~~T.T

I'm planning for my precious weekend....Hope to go shopping,watch movies and drink a cup of Starbucks coffee T.T but "BOH LUI"...sad sad....Hope I wont have a bored and meaningless weekend again...It's really SIEN to study n study,study n study,study n study.....I'll be more n more weak and more prone to various ailments only if I continue my monotonous chores--study,sleep and eat, everyday T.T...That's why my housemates asked me y always watch dramas and movies...I think this is the only fun I've in IMU's life....

Forget it bah~~

Dreamed someone that has been important to me in my life previously for certain instances...However,he is not crucial to me now...Why I dreamed him???Hope what I dreamed wont be facts in my life....

It took a long time to stop thinking about him.I had been tried hard to forget him few years ago and yet he appears in my dream...I hope what that happen on me now is like what people normally said...Anything that happens in our dream normally oppose the fact in daily life.

I never contact him for quite a long time and what things that he had done to hurt me is gradually wiped off from my mind.I never hate him before but I feel disappointed to his behaviour towards me.Anyway,if he say sorry to me one day in the future and I think I will forgive him and treat him as a fren.However, a word of "sorry" is hard to heard from mouth....

Let's forget about him permanently!!~~

................................

I felt discomfort to some of my batch mates' reaction this afternoon...It is not the first time that some of them are late for the Malaysian Studies classes.It is ok if they are late for few minutes or within one hour.The thing that annoyed me is they came for the last 30minutes EVERYTIME but our classes are supposed to last for 2hours.It's just like our class from 2pm to 4pm but they came at 3.30pm every time.I dont think they are late for certain reasons because those who attend classes for the last 30 minutes are always the same group of people and even our classes at 10.30am,they can attend class at 12pm.What a bad habit of them!!!!

They are not showing respect to our teacher and most of them who purposely came late are our ‘友族’ They know our teacher will take attendance at the end of the class,thus they came at the last few minutes....I really dislike their bad habits....What a worst practice that they have!!!!

If I were the teacher,i will treat them absent...

Embarass Sexual History Clerking

I attended IMU Partner Medical School briefing this afternoon....

Actually every year UWA only accept 5 students from IMU,thus I dont think I have such a chance to enter it since their selection depends on our scores in every exams...Sigh!!!Why I cant get straight A in all my exams???How can I fight the chance of entering UWA with others brilliant students in IMU?....Wish I can enter the university that I really hope for.....

There are 2 history taking section this morning.Both cases are about sexual history and one of them is about vaginal discharge in woman and another is about erectile dysfunction in man.

What a embarassed experience to me when I was asked to take history from simulated patient who has erectile dysfunction(man's problem)this morning...I really dont know what questions that I need to ask him...It's kinda paiseh to clerk the patient.I asked him about his normal erection before the incidence.I asked about his normal sexual arousal.I asked whether he is in stressful condition.I asked about his relationship with his wife and etc.
Of course,the simulated patient acted very good....

What I really ashamed about is I asked him whether able to ejaculate or not...This is a big mistake that I had done...T.T....In fact,since he is unable to maintain his erection,so he might not be able to ejaculate..I know this fact..However,I was sort of afraid and stressed when I was taking history from him so I asked such a wrong question....Omg!!!What a serious mistake that I have made.....Hope I wont do the same mistake again...

After all this and before I ended my day in IMU,I just wanted to say that I really dont like IMU which always cancel or postpone or change time table...Just like what happened just now,the first lecture was cancelled and we only attended for the second lecture which is about Sexual Behaviour....

Nothing much about my day.....Just worry about my transfer to Partner Medical School and my IELTS exam which is around the corner...It's in this month...T.T