Cactus

u oo

I have a very weird feeling recently.I feel like I am living someone else life.This life is not belongs to me and this body is not mine.I lost control in doing everything recently.Actually I wanna be strong and independantly just like a cactus......

But I failed to do so,I am so easily affected by someone else feelings recently.I can have more than 8 emotions and feelings only within 4 hours.Where am I and what am I doing?I cry suddenly,I laugh suddenly,I sad suddenly,I happy suddenly.Am I mad?I'm not.But why I do so?I wonder....

Just now my dad made 2 calls to me but I didnt answer them.I didnt tell my dad I was unable to voice out something.I didnt wanna daddy worry about me but I didnt tell him.I think tomorrow I will tell him that I was sleeping while he made calls to me.Seriously speaking,I was waiting for his reply but no reply as well.....Something badly happened to me yesterday and no one knows.I hope it is a hidden scar in my heart because it hurted me badly..... =(

Can I be an independant cactus which just rely on myself?I hope I can.I looking forward to change my bad habits.I am waiting for greater chances to fight for myself.Sometimes,I think I do prefer lonely life at kl here.I enjoy doing my own staffs without others like surfing net,watching movies,cooking and drawing.Yet,I need frens too,I hope others to share shoulders,hands and ears to me occasionally.I am such blur in my own condition.How can I be a real cactus???